What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? Fowl Why was the footballer upset on his birthday? He got a red card These and many more howlers to make you laugh even if we lose the Cup!!!
Did you hear that Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy are releasing a song together?They're calling themselves Goals Allowed.A fab and funny joke book full of footballing jokes, anecdotes, cartoons and other crazy stuff to get you giggling!
What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded?He sent on his subs.God and the devil were having an argument, and Satan proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute.God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn't be a fair match because all the 'good' players go to heaven.The devil smiled, replying, "Yes, but we've got all the refs."Football is obviously very serious business— like when that disallowed goal was 'never off-side', and that was 'totally a dive' but it's a funny old game really. This compendium of hilarious jokes will help you see the lighter side when your team is showing you up, and give your mates a good chuckle at the celebrations when they win.
Over four hundred of the funniest football jokes from the makers of Match! the UK's best football magazine! Match! Joke Book is a hilarious mix of football quips, puns, knock-knock jokes and shaggy-dog stories. You'll laugh your football socks off! The Sweetest Stars Sergio Agu-AERO (Manchester City) Lee KIT-KAT-termole (Sunderland) MARS Bender (Bayer Leverkusen) ROLO Touré (Liverpool) John TERRY'S CHOCOLATE ORANGE (Chelsea)
Hundreds of the most hilarious football jokes around. Perfect for football fans to enjoy in between those all-important World Cup games, Premier League matches and European Cup finals. When is a footballer like a baby? When he dribbles. Who's in goal when the ghost team plays football? The ghoulie, of course Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines? They both have trouble with the key. What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squelch? An elephant with wet football boots. How does an octopus go on to a football pitch? Well-armed! How can a footballer stop his nose running? Put out a foot and trip it up. What's the best day for a footballer to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast? Fry-day.
Jokes for Everyone! Jokes for Every Occasion! Jokes for Every Situation!
Author: Michael Pellowski
Publisher: Applesauce Press
Category: Juvenile Fiction
Billed as the largest collection of jokes ever compiled, these jokes will make kids giggle, groan, grin, and bust a gut! This book is jam packed with hundreds and hundreds of jokes for kids. Includes goofy gags, twisted tongue twisters, riddles, and more.
A perfect stocking filler, The Little Book of Christmas Jokes will keep little ones laughing until the turkey's roasted! Why did Father Christmas start sneezing as he went down the chimney? Because he had the floo! How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He looks at his calen-deer. Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey he s always stuffed."
What happens if you see twin witches? You won't be able to tell which witch is witch What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie? You can't fool me, I can see right through you Will: 'Mum, all the children make fun of me.' Mum: 'What do they say?' Will: 'They say I'm a werewolf. Is it true?' Mum: 'Of course not. Now comb your face and get ready for supper.' These and many more howlers to make you laugh your head off (in most cases not literally).
Hundreds of the Funniest, Silliest, Most Ridiculous Jokes Ever
Author: William Donohue
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Hundreds of jokes for every occasion! Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket? Because he didn't think anyone could stoop so low. The ultimate collection of the world's greatest funnies, The Best Joke Book (Period) keeps you laughing for hours on end. Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment. So whether you're looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!
Have you ever been in a situation where you need to lighten the mood, or just want a few moments to make your friends, family or coworkers laugh? There's no better way to do that than by telling them a joke. Jokes, riddles, and funny stories are a time-tested method to put anyone in a better mood, or even impress that special someone by showing off your humorous side. Gathered in this collection are some of the funniest, wittiest, dumbest, most groan-inducing jokes you and your soon-to-be-audience have ever heard. Be prepared to chuckle, snort, laugh out loud, and even roll your eyes at the jokes, stories, anecdotes, and riddles in this book. Warning: There are some... how should I put it? Less than work-appropriate jokes in here. Some may even be downright offensive to some people. Know your audience before telling some of these jokes or, at least, be open to the thought that not everyone has the same sense of humor as you do. (They're just wet blankets, though. They don't deserve to laugh at your jokes, anyways!) Please, enjoy! **This book may contain material that can be considered lewd or offensive**
The Funniest Jokes in the World brings together hundreds of jokes and epigrams— collected over several decades from all around the world— that are guaranteed to tickle the funny bone and brighten up the dullest of days.
Giggles, groans, and belly laughs, packed on every page. Kids can’t resist sharing jokes (even you try to stop them), so they always need a fresh supply. We’ve stuffed the pages of this little joke book with the funniest jokes we could find. Old favorites, new favorites, and a few festering stinkers—all guaranteed to make kids laugh out loud. You'll find Q&A jokes, knock-knock jokes, riddles, and one-liners. And, of course, we’ve included entire chapters of those all-time kid-pleasers: elephant jokes, pirate jokes, and space jokes. Here’s a sampling: What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A penguin rolling down a hill. Why don’t zombies eat clowns? They taste funny. Why did the hen scold her chicks? They were using fowl language. What kind of books do skunks read? Best-smellers! How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
From the World Cup to the Olympics, from Mia Hamm to Carli Lloyd to Alex Morgan, here is the ultimate guide to Women's Soccer for young sports fans from an award-winning sports journalist. The moment the U.S. Women's Soccer team won the World Cup in 1999, the team's--and the sport's--popularity exploded in America. The Americans' electrifying rise to the top marked the biggest women's sporting event in our nation's history. Players like Mia Hamm and Brandi Chastain instantly became international stars, setting the stage for the arrival of future greats like Carli Lloyd, Abby Wambach, and Alex Morgan. And with women's professional leagues continuing to take shape in America, as well as the skyrocketing popularity of the U.S. Women's National Team, there's no doubt that women's soccer has captivated fans across the country and beyond. Featuring Top Ten Lists and stunning photos of history-making moments, this comprehensive collection catalogs the rise of women's soccer in America; the greatest American players such as Mia Hamm, Hope Solo, and Alex Morgan; the greatest international stars, including Marta and Homare Sawa; the future class of superstars; and the most thrilling World Cup and Olympic matches. This is the perfect book for young sports fans eager to kick off their soccer schooling. Praise for Champion's of Women's Soccer * "Killion has distilled the best of the best moments and biographical information into an easy-to-read and exciting look at the players and moments in women's soccer. . . . Sports fans will be overjoyed, but the superhero-comics crowd might also be pleasantly surprised by these modern-day wonder women. A must-have for any biography section." --Kirkus Reviews, STARRED REVIEW "The focus on women athletes represents a much-needed perspective in sports books for tweens and will be a welcome addition." --School Library Journal "This is an engaging read, perfect for fans of soccer and women's sports." --VOYA "Whether new to the sport or a devotedfan, readers will find an overview of recent and current stars in professional women's soccer in thisenthusiastic guide." --Booklist
Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who
Author: Mark Geoffrey Young
Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub
If you've ever heard a Jewish, Italian, Irish, Libyan, Catholic, Mexican, Polish, Norwegian, or an Essex Girl, Newfie, Mother-in-Law, or joke aimed at a minority, this book of Arsenal jokes is for you. In this not-so-original book, The Best Ever Book of Arsenal Jokes; Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who, Mark Young takes a whole lot of tired, worn out jokes and makes them funny again. The Best Ever Book of Arsenal Jokes is so unoriginal, it's original. And, if you don't burst out laughing from at least one Arsenal joke in this book, there's something wrong with you. This book has so many Arsenal Fan jokes, you won't know where to start. For example: Why do Arsenal Fans wear slip-on shoes? You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. *** An evil genie captured an Arsenal Fan and her two friends and banished them to the desert for a week. The genie allowed each person to bring one thing. The first friend brought a canteen so he wouldn't die of thirst. The second friend brought an umbrella to keep the sun off. The Arsenal Fan brought a car door, because if it got too hot she could just roll down the window! *** Did you hear about the Arsenal Fan who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats." *** Why do Arsenal Fans laugh three times when they hear a joke? Once when it is told, once when it is explained to them, and once when they understand it. ***
Funny Monkey Jokes Are you looking for the most funny and hilarious monkey, ape, and gorilla jokes online? Do you want to dominate joke battles and be the funniest person around? This joke book will make you giggle for hours with some of the funniest monkey jokes in the world! The Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy and monkey, ape, and gorilla jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults. This joke book contains over 100 funny monkey jokes! WARNING: This MASSIVE assortment of monkey jokes is extremely hilarious and may cause you to go bananas! From this Funny Joke Book... Q: What do you feed a 600 pound gorilla? A: Anything it wants! HAHA! Q: What does a gorilla learn first in school? A: The apey-cees! LOL! Q: What did the monkey call his first wife? A: His prime-mate! HAHA! Q: If you throw an ape into the Great Lakes, what will it become? A: Wet! LOL! Q: Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings? A: The elevator men are on strike! 100+ funny and hilarious monkey jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults! Your monkey friends might not think these jokes are that funny, but you will be rolling on the floor laughing. This collection of monkey, ape, and gorilla jokes is one of the funniest collections in the world! These jokes about monkeys will make everyone giggle and erupt with laughter. This joke book is excellent for kids, children, teens, and adults. Johnny B. Laughing is the online comedy king! Monkey around and click 'buy' to get your hands on a copy today!
The Diary of a Young Girl is a book of the diary kept by Anne Frank while she was in hiding for two years with her family during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. Published in 1947, the diary received widespread critical and popular attention. The book is included in several lists of the top books of the 20th century.