A HILARIOUS GRADUATION KEEPSAKE THAT GLEEFULLY EXPOSES THE NOT-ALWAYS-AWESOME REALITIES OF STARTING OUT IN THE ADULT WORLD Congrats! Congrats! You've made it so far. You're an adult now, you're even allowed in a bar. But long before you're going to succeed, You'll eff shit up, 100% guaranteed. This ultimate graduation present is sure to bring a nervous smile to the face of any young adult about to face the wide world.
A brilliant miscellany of all things scatalogical "You Don't Know Sh*t glides from the sublime heights of human ingenuity to the lowest of the lower depths. It's the ultimate human journey."—Frederick Kaufman, author of Wasteland It's part of all of our lives. But how much do you really know about poop, scat, sh*t, excrement? From the historical to the scientific, the cultural to the gross, You Don't Know Sh*t packs a load of solid information into one tidy volume: --how great civilizations have pooped through the ages --why some poop floats and other poop sinks --the final word on whether people have individual brands of bathroom smells --what your sh*t (and sh*tting style) says about you --how astronauts poop in space --a complete glossary of terms and euphemisms for man's most fundamental function --fun facts about everything from the first flush, the famous Thomas Crapper, and the differences in bathroom basics around the world --a cloud's worth of information about farts, too!
Every young grad needs this fun, snarky primer for the real world. You’ll meet the world’s brightest, you’ll hang with the best! And now that you’ve met them, you’ll work with the rest! If you’re looking for an inspirational book for young people starting life’s great adventure, you probably want to read Dr. Seuss’s Oh, the Places You’ll Go! But before your first day of actual work, you need to meet Dr. Suits for a dose of reality. You won’t learn this stuff in high school, college, or gift books by world-famous authors. But fear not! With his unique blend of hilarious verse and images, Dr. Suits can help young grads get a handle on what’s really about to hit them. Oh, the Meetings You’ll Go To! is a brutally honest, and ultimately uplifting, take on the struggles of post-grad life that every 20-something will relate to. Tough love never made you laugh so hard.
Invaluable life advice from the one and only Dr. Seuss, now in a luxurious mini-hardback gift format. The one and only Dr. Seuss dispenses invaluable advice about life in this splendiferous collection of his most memorable quotes. In a luxurious mini-hardback format, with over sixty pages of cherished Seuss art and quotes from such classics as The Cat in the Hat, Horton Hatches the Egg, Green Eggs and Ham, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, Oh, the Places You'll Go!, and many more, this humorous and inspiring collection is the perfect gift to inspire you to live your most Seuss-ian life!
The classic New York Times bestseller by Senator Al Franken, author of Giant of the Senate Senator Al Franken, or Dr. Al Franken, as he prefers to be called, has written the first truly indispensable book of the new millennium. Filled with wisdom, observations, and practical tips you can put to work right away, Oh, the Things I Know! is a cradle-to-grave guide to living, an easy-to-follow user's manual for human existence. What does a megasuccess like Al Franken—bestselling author, Emmy-award winning television star, sitting U.S. Senator, and honorary Ph.D.—have to say to ordinary people like you? Well, as Dr. Al himself says, "There's no point in getting advice from hopeless failures." Join Mr. Franken—sorry, Dr. Franken—on a journey that will take you from your first job ("Oh, Are You Going to Hate Your First Job!"), through the perils and pitfalls of your twenties and thirties ("Oh, the Person of Your Dreams vs. the Person You Can Actually Attract!"), into the joys of marriage and parenthood ("Oh, Just Looking at Your Spouse Will Make Your Skin Crawl!"), all the way to the golden years of senior citizenship ("Oh, the Nursing Home You'll Wind Up In!"). Don't travel life's lonesome highway by yourself. Take Al Franken along, if not as an infallible guide, then at least as a friend who will make you laugh.
This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go--the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it. "This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning." So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. And who better to illustrate--and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen's cynical point of view--than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but. This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.
What Your Parents Should Have Taught You and School Never Did
Author: John Kyle
Giggle and shart while gaining a wealth of knowledge. With 44 step-by-step how-to's, Grow the F*ck Up offers late teens and young adults lessons they never received at home or in the classroom. This satirically blunt novel surrounding general knowledge is an absolute must for birthday gifts, graduation presents, holidays, and more. Do you know someone that can't seem to manage their money, prepare for a job interview, use a credit card, turn off the water to the house, or write a resume and cover letter? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then they absolutely need Grow the F*ck Up. The book doesn't merely scratch the surface. Instead, it takes readers step-by-step through over 40 tasks that all men and women should know how to perform. Sadly, most young people leave high school and even college with a diploma or two, yet they lack the common sense and knowledge required to perform everyday tasks that will serve them their entire lives. Sometimes, something that seems so incredibly simple really isn't, especially if you have never had the opportunity to do it before. Back in the day parents, teachers, and other mentors taught young people elementary tasks. However, in today's fast paced, digitally driven society those teachable moments are rarely experienced. Make those moments commonplace once more with Grow the F*ck Up. The book contains six chapters surrounding automotive, clothing, employment, financial, grilling, home improvement, and miscellaneous advice. Within each chapter you will find a plethora of how-tos that are simultaneously witty and informative. Learn how to change a car battery, sew a decent button, create a resume and cover letter, prepare for a job interview, understand a 401k, and much, much more. Whatever the occasion, give the perfect gift with Grow the F*ck Up: What your parents should have taught you and school never did.
Winner of the NBCC Award for General Nonfiction Named on Amazon's Best Books of the Year 2015--Michael Botticelli, U.S. Drug Czar (Politico) Favorite Book of the Year--Angus Deaton, Nobel Prize Economics (Bloomberg/WSJ) Best Books of 2015--Matt Bevin, Governor of Kentucky (WSJ) Books of the Year--Slate.com's 10 Best Books of 2015--Entertainment Weekly's 10 Best Books of 2015 --Buzzfeed's 19 Best Nonfiction Books of 2015--The Daily Beast's Best Big Idea Books of 2015--Seattle Times' Best Books of 2015--Boston Globe's Best Books of 2015--St. Louis Post-Dispatch's Best Books of 2015--The Guardian's The Best Book We Read All Year--Audible's Best Books of 2015--Texas Observer's Five Books We Loved in 2015--Chicago Public Library's Best Nonfiction Books of 2015 From a small town in Mexico to the boardrooms of Big Pharma to main streets nationwide, an explosive and shocking account of addiction in the heartland of America. In 1929, in the blue-collar city of Portsmouth, Ohio, a company built a swimming pool the size of a football field; named Dreamland, it became the vital center of the community. Now, addiction has devastated Portsmouth, as it has hundreds of small rural towns and suburbs across America--addiction like no other the country has ever faced. How that happened is the riveting story of Dreamland. With a great reporter's narrative skill and the storytelling ability of a novelist, acclaimed journalist Sam Quinones weaves together two classic tales of capitalism run amok whose unintentional collision has been catastrophic. The unfettered prescribing of pain medications during the 1990s reached its peak in Purdue Pharma's campaign to market OxyContin, its new, expensive--extremely addictive--miracle painkiller. Meanwhile, a massive influx of black tar heroin--cheap, potent, and originating from one small county on Mexico's west coast, independent of any drug cartel--assaulted small town and mid-sized cities across the country, driven by a brilliant, almost unbeatable marketing and distribution system. Together these phenomena continue to lay waste to communities from Tennessee to Oregon, Indiana to New Mexico. Introducing a memorable cast of characters--pharma pioneers, young Mexican entrepreneurs, narcotics investigators, survivors, and parents--Quinones shows how these tales fit together. Dreamland is a revelatory account of the corrosive threat facing America and its heartland.
Little Things That Can Change Your Life...And Maybe the World
Author: William H. McRaven
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER "Should be read by every leader in America...a book to inspire your children and grandchildren to become everything that they can." --Wall Street Journal "Powerful." --USA Today "Full of captivating personal anecdotes from inside the national security vault." --Washington Post "Superb, smart, and succinct." --Forbes BASED ON THE INCREDIBLE GRADUATION SPEECH WITH OVER 10 MILLION VIEWS ON YOUTUBE If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. On May 17, 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven addressed the graduating class of the University of Texas at Austin on their Commencement day. Taking inspiration from the university's slogan, "What starts here changes the world," he shared the ten principles he learned during Navy Seal training that helped him overcome challenges not only in his training and long Naval career, but also throughout his life; and he explained how anyone can use these basic lessons to change themselves-and the world-for the better. Admiral McRaven's original speech went viral with over 10 million views. Building on the core tenets laid out in his speech, McRaven now recounts tales from his own life and from those of people he encountered during his military service who dealt with hardship and made tough decisions with determination, compassion, honor, and courage. Told with great humility and optimism, this timeless book provides simple wisdom, practical advice, and words of encouragement that will inspire readers to achieve more, even in life's darkest moments.
The question isn't whether or not one will be a douchebag in college—we're all a little douchey at college, to be honest. The more pertinent question for prospective students is, "What kind of douchebag do you aspire to be?" Here to help with this major life decision is the only college guide to rank and recommend schools based on their level of douchiness, including illustrated analysis of douchey student affectations, fashions, course offerings, school chants, pickup techniques, extracurricular activities, mascots, and much more. This rigorously researched, stereotypically accurate, gleefully offensive handbook celebrates douchbaggery as a many splendored thing—from yachty to sporty to thoughtfully bearded and beyond—and is sure to spark fits of pique and laughter among high school applicants, current students, and anyone who went to college.
Advice for graduates and reflections on staying true to yourself from the beloved Gilmore Girls actress and New York Times bestselling author of the memoir Talking as Fast as I Can and the novel Someday, Someday, Maybe. “If you’re kicking yourself for not having accomplished all you should have by now, don’t worry about it. Even without any ‘big’ accomplishments yet to your name, you are enough.” In this expansion of the 2017 commencement speech she gave at her hometown Langley High, Lauren Graham, the beloved star of Gilmore Girls and Parenthood, reflects on growing up, pursuing your dreams, and living in the here and now. “Whatever path you choose, whatever career you decide to go after, the important thing is that you keep finding joy in what you’re doing, especially when the joy isn’t finding you.” In her hilarious, relatable voice, Graham reminds us to be curious and compassionate, no matter where life takes us or what we’ve yet to achieve. Grounded and inspiring—and illustrated throughout with drawings by Graham herself—here is a comforting road map to a happy life. “I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve had successes and senior slumps. I’ve been the girl who has the lead, and the one who wished she had the bigger part. The truth? They don’t feel that different from each other.”
Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Author: Meg Jay
Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are a second adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized what is actually the most defining decade of adulthood. Drawing from a decade of work with hundreds of twentysomething clients and students, THE DEFINING DECADE weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to make the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, social networks, identity, and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood-if we use the time wisely. THE DEFINING DECADE is a smart, compassionate and constructive book about the years we cannot afford to miss.
The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived it
Author: Matthew Berry
Publisher: Riverhead Books (Hardcover)
Category: Games & Activities
An inside assessment of the world of fantasy sports by the ESPN Senior Fantasy Analyst reveals the life-shaping impact of the multi-billion-dollar national pastime while chronicling his own rise to a leading figure in fantasy sports.